3, 2, 1… Happy New Year everyone!!! I was hoping for changes in myself with the new year, but unfortunately I started out the new year with many sleepless nights. I’m not sure what caused my anxiety to intensify. My guess is the unknown and future events. It started on the night of New Years Eve, it was thirty minutes before the countdown, and I could already feel my heart racing. I’m not sure if it was because of all the fireworks that were going to go off, or the new year itself. To me the new year was a reminder that I was getting older, and that I wasted another year of my childhood. Maybe the attacks stemmed from the fear of forgetting all the memories I made in 2022. The closer I got to midnight the bigger my anxiety became. Finally the moment was here and different fireworks of different sizes started blowing up. My hand trembled as I got ready to light up my own and join the thousands of fireworks already bursting in the sky. My heart raced like a thousand galloping horses. I felt a sense of joy in the moment, maybe it was because of all the fireworks lighting up the dark somber sky, or the fact that I was with my family. Regardless, the feeling of joy was only temporary as I started to feel warm tears fall down my cold cheeks. I started thinking about all the relationships I had lost and I had made. It’s very hard to explain but I felt like I lost an important part of my life that I will never get back. Needless to say, I haven’t gotten over that night. Going back to school this year hasn’t helped my anxieties either. It seems like starting the new year came with starting my anxieties all over again. I’ll be dealing with them day by day and hoping that I can get them under control sooner than later.

Forever and Always, Anxieteen;