What is anxiety? According to MedlinePlus.gov, it is a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. Although it can feel isolating, it affects 6.8 million adults and 5.8 million kids, including me.

My Story

It all started when I was 8 years old, I was living my life with not a care in the world. Then from one day to the next my whole life changed. I became fully aware of my fear of vomiting. With this fear came an overwhelming sense of doom. Every thought, every feeling started to feel 100 times worse. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even swallow my own spit. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, or why I felt this way.

After researching, I came to the conclusion that I had emetophobia. It is an intense fear of vomit, which causes a lot of anxiety. Eventually throughout the years, I developed other fears that I couldn’t control. I now have a fear of germs, fear of failure, fear of socialization, and others. I have gotten to the lowest point of my life where I have wanted to stop existing.

The Response

Unfortunately, my parents’ response wasn’t what I expected. They both grew up in households where you “suck it up.” My anxiety grew worse every time I went to them for help. I was yelled at and belittled for having panic attacks and “ruining” family trips and outings. My sibling called me an embarrassment because of how I would react when I had an episode. I felt alone, defeated and crazy for almost three years.

Society didn’t understand either.  People in public would look at me weird when I had an attack. My school teachers had no idea how to respond and only made me feel ashamed and embarrassed.  I could see their facial expressions and knew I was being judged for something I felt no one understood. At some point, I went from having so many friends to being a loner.  

Hope

There was a point in my life that I didn’t want to live anymore and was very vocal about it to my mom. This must have been the moment when she realized I couldn’t control what I was feeling on my own. We started doing research about anxiety together and found so many strategies to use. This was a turning point in my life as I finally realized I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t crazy. Many things changed for the better.

Because of the research, my mom was able to implement some strategies at school that the teachers had to follow.  I was able to use certain things that made me decrease my panic attacks.  For example, spearmint gum (sugar free) helps me relax and I was able to chew it whenever I felt an attack coming.  These fears also caused me to use the bathroom often, so my mom was able to request that I be allowed to go to the restroom whenever I asked.  I went from seeing the social worker every week to less than 5 times a year.  I can finally say I have a semi-normal social life.

Although my anxiety still runs a big part of my life, I am able to enjoy things I wasn’t able to do before.

Forever and always, Anxieteen ;